i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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