hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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