Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
