God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
