saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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