1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
