it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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