happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
