I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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