Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
