Buhtt sex?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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