lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
