I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
