i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
