Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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