Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
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