I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
