its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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