I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
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I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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