It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
