You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
