Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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