you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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