Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
