the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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