I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
this is an emotional support booty call
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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