found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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