The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
