Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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