I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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