the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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