Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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