sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
