Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
