sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
