I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize