he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
