just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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