my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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