i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
