I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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