He kissed a someone with a penis
My balls are so social today.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
