I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize