your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
