Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize