you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
