We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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