i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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