I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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