You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
