everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
