I'm going to jail i love you
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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