Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
