bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
