I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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