I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
