I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
