You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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