Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
