You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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