did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
