and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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