I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
