It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His hands were made for my vagina.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
