It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
