She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
