Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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