A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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