We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
