He passed out mid-signature
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
