im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
