Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
