Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
