yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
