Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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