I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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