I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
