...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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